I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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