That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
