Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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