Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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