So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
