take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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