How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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