It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
