dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
