eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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