don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
