no, he came in my armpit
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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