do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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