i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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