All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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