Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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