my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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