Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize