I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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