If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
