i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
