i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
