i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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