Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
