there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
