it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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