; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
