Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
