I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
