Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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