Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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