Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
