Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im holly from the hills drunk
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
