So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
