I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
