I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
