Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
