I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
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Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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