My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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