so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
