So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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