it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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