I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
True college students do jello shots in the library
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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