I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
