Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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