Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
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Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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