K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
