he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
