i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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