I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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