hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
