i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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