Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
