the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
