come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
