Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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