Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
