literally had 100 drinks last night.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Someone came in the potted fern
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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