i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
