Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
