I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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