O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
