paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
