fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
