Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
