I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
