Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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