I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I want to be your penis for a week.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
