I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
